Kenneth Stromhart's 1st year at Hogwarts
by DudeguyTheWriter
Summary: My first Fanfiction, yay. This is a self-insert, basically. What happens when an avid Harry Potter fan gets sent to Hogwarts?  Insanity.  And lulz.   This fic'll be a bit serious, but mainly stupid antics. xD R&R.


**Kenneth Stromhart And The Completely Sort Of Normal Hogwarts School Year**

An Introduction

Hello. This is my first and most likely only Harry Potter Fanfiction. It takes place 19 years after the 7th book. I'm going to try and make this very long, maybe even as long as a book if I feel like it, so bear with me XD. So, there will be something big happening eventually, but I can't think of anything. Maybe someone could give me an idea? On a side note, there is nothing special about Kenneth. He's just an 11 year old kid. No magic powers, no secret vampirism. Believe me; I am TERRIFIED of Mary Sues/Gary Stus. Okay, let's go.

CHAPTER 1

THE LETTER

Kenneth stared at the letter. Addressed in emerald green was:

To Mr. K. Stromhart

The Bottom Bunk

Stromhart Residence

Oklahoma

It had just arrived via owl through his fireplace. The owl had burst into Kenneth's gigantic living room in a cloud of soot. Kenneth had been playing his Nintendo DS when a very sooty letter had dropped in front of him, _just _as he was about to catch Dialga. Coughing, he saved his game and closed his DS to see what had fallen.

"MOM! DAD! !"

Kenneth's parents looked in from the kitchen, which at the moment smelled of spices and meat.

"Ken, what was that?"

"Look!" Exclaimed Kenneth, pointing to the sooty (and rather cranky) barn owl.  
><em>Who even USES their fireplaces anymore? I do wish they'd keep a window open or something.<em> The owl thought to herself, fruitlessly tidying it's feathers, trying to get the ashes out of it's tawny brown feathers. Kenneth, who was rather fond of owls despite rarely ever seeing them, petted its feathery head affectionately.

The owl simply nipped his finger and gave a small screech.

"Ow! Cranky, I guess." Kenneth wiped his bloody finger on his green shirt and looked over at his parents. His mother gasped, and looked to her husband, Stuart, who was positively beaming. His mother was a kindly woman barely taller than Kenneth, with the baby blue eyes and dirty blonde hair that she shared with all her children. Kenneth's father was a tall bespectacled man with grayish-green eyes and spiky black hair. Kenneth scratched his brownish-blond head, looking at his father with his deep blue eyes (although, he wasn't entirely sure they were blue anymore, maybe grey or even green.).

"Stuart?" His mother asked, concerned.

"Tell you in a sec, honey. Kenneth, save the letter for dinner!" Stuart then walked back into the kitchen to finish the meatballs.

CHAPTER 2

NOOH-DULS

At dinner (which consisted of spaghetti and meatballs) Kenneth opened his strange green letter.

**Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry**

**Headmistress: Minerva McGonagall**

**(Order of Merlin Third Class, Transfiguration Mistress, International Confederation of Wizards)**

**Dear ****Mr. Langan****,**

**We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at**

**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1****st****. We await your owl by July 31****st****.**

**Yours sincerely,**

**Minerva McGonagall**

**Headmistress**

"Muh… McGonagall? Hogwarts? OWL?"

Kenneth gawked, first at his mom, who was smiling (slightly awkwardly), then his dad, who was grinning even wider now.

"Verrry funny. Teehee," Kenneth commented, and pushed the letter away. His dad pushed it back.

"Kenneth, this isn't a joke. The Wizarding World exists."

Kenneth gave his father a withering look.

"Dad, I'm not stupid. Harry Potter and all that stuff can't be real. People woulda figured it out by now."

"Heh, that's the ingenious part," His father replied.

"Part of what, Daddy? Can I have some?" Asked Kenneth's sister, Alissa. Alissa was blond with blue eyes. She was 5 years younger than Kenneth.

"Look, I'll prove it." His father said, taking out a fine, white stick.  
>He pointed the stick at Alissa's spaghetti.<p>

Suddenly, the noodles twisted into a coiled snake and hissed violently, spitting marinara sauce. Then, they turned bright lavender, and formed the words:

I'M NOT LYING

Kenneth's and Alissa's mouths fell open. His father savored the moment, grinning with a satisfied look. Kenneth's baby brother Dan ruined the moment by exclaiming "Nooh-duls! Nooh-duls!" He took a handful and shoved it in his pudgy mouth. He spat it out, making the most adorably disgusted face ever.

"Ewwwwwie! Sour!"

And he thereby made everyone burst into peals of laughter.

CHAPTER 3

PARKING SPACES

"So, where are we going again?"  
>"The Leaky Cauldron."<p>

"In Sears?"

"Yes."

Kenneth and his father (who turned out to be a wizard) were currently trying to find a parking spot in the parking lot of Sears.

"So, if all this Harry Potter stuff exists, then why are they in books?"  
>"Well, it's an interesting story, actually. See, the books were written to make it so Muggles would have an even smaller chance of discovering magic."<br>Kenneth stared. "Short story," He muttered. His father laughed and nodded. This was interrupted by a string of curses and yelling as his father was cut off from the one parking spot in the entire parking lot.

They traversed around the place for about another 10 minutes before FINALLY finding a spot…. At the opposite side of the parking lot. They began walking to the front door, but couldn't really get a good look at the woman at the front steps.

They also failed to notice that she was wearing wizard robes.

"So, why are we going to Sears for my magic stuff?"

"Because you're too young to Apparate, so we've arranged an escort. Students who started out like Harry-"

"I'm not starting out like Harry. Am I?"  
>"Well, for the most part. You didn't know magic existed until now."<p>

"Ah."  
>"Well, all students who start out like Harry have to be escorted by a teacher, just in case they haven't read the books and don't know much about wizardry."<p>

"I have read the books."

"Who was the DADA teacher in the 3rd book?"  
>"Uhm… Ehh… That werewolf guy… Luny.. Something that starts with an L- OH I GET THE POINT."<p>

Stuart chuckled, as they finally reached the door, as Kenneth was just wondering who the teacher would be.

It was a woman, looking around her 30s, with bouncy brown curly hair and green (AN: I have absolutely NO IDEA what color her eyes are supposed to be xD) eyes.

"Hermione, great to see you again," Stuart said in a businesslike tone.

"Stuart! I haven't seen you since the sixth year!" The two shook hands as Kenneth realized who was taking him.

"Well, not many people saw you after the sixth year." Stuart commented, chuckling.

"Yes, well." Hermione replied, looking away awkwardly. She turned to the boy and said, smiling, "And this must be Kenneth!" She stuck out her hand.

"Professor Granger. I'll be teaching Transfiguration. I'm your escort."  
>Kenneth's mouth fell open. Again.<p>

CHAPTER 4

THE FIGGLE EXPRESS

Kenneth shook Hermione's (Or Professor Granger's) hand limply.

"Shall we be off then?" She asked politely, looking over to Kenneth's father. He nodded, and gave Kenneth a goodbye hug. "Write, mkay?"

"Yeah, I will." For once, Kenneth hugged his father back, as Professor Granger looked on, smiling.

His father broke away, and slapped Kenneth on the back. "Don't do anything stupid, alright? No going to the Chamber of Secrets. No.." He then rattled off a list of things Kenneth shouldn't do from memory.

Kenneth was unbelievably embarrassed.

His father finished, and strolled off, whistling. He then spun around and ran inside the Sears store, remembering he had to pick up some motor oil.

"Come now, Kenneth. We have a lot of ground to cover."  
>"Are we walking?"<br>"No, simply have a lot to do."

"I guess."

Professor Granger walked into the store, Kenneth following closely behind. They strolled over to the lawnmower section, where Granger sat down on a quite large mower with a hog's head insignia on the hood. The hog happened to be on fire.  
>Kenneth stared curiously at the mower. "Interesting choice.."<br>Granger laughed, and said "Sit down."  
>"Huh?"<br>"This is how we're getting to London."  
>Kenneth simply got in, not questioning the laws of magic.<p>

The whole thing gave a humongous moan, startling Kenneth, and starting up with a purr, interrupted by a PUTTPUTTPUTT every so often.

Granger yelled over the noise "It hasn't been used in awhile!"  
>"I SEE!" Kenneth yelled back, a bit too loudly.<p>

The Flaming-Hog-Mower 300, as it was called, started off, going towards the far wall…very….very…slowly.

After an awkward 5 minute wait, the Mower phased through the wall, and stopped.

Kenneth looked around the room. It was white, and small, with an elevator on the far end. Professor Granger got up, and walked to the other side of the room, staring at it curiously.

"Hm.."  
>Kenneth followed up behind her. "Something wrong, Her- Professor Granger?"<p>

"No, it's just that I haven't really used this before.. I'm wondering if this button that says 'Figgle' will open it.."  
>"Well, should we try?"<br>"Go right ahead." Hermi- Professor Granger stepped aside, revealing a very fancy button marked "Figgle".

Kenneth stared. _What an interesting button,_ he thought. He pressed it anyway, not considering the consequences. After all, he was only 11.

The elevator shook violently, and out popped a very tiny man, wearing a bright green frock coat and bowler hat. He looked at the two, beaming warmly.

"Ello, guv! I'm Mister Figgle! At your service, madam." He bowed graciously to Professor Granger, his long pointed nose almost touching the floor (for it was that close). He then turned to Kenneth and shook his hand roughly. "Ello sonny! You know, it's _so _fine to be able to make eye contact with someone again!" He laughed at his little joke, and Kenneth laughed too, a bit nervously, rotating his arm in it's socket (the handshake had quite disheveled him).

"So, where you folks 'eaded? Ireland? London? Somewhere in Europe? That's the only place the Figgle Express goes, you know! That's Figgle." He laughed heartily again.

"Er, London, if you please.." said Professor Granger timidly, overtaken by the small man's boldness.

"Awlright then! Step in 'ere, and we'll be off!"

The two stepped in, and Figgle ran in and jumped as high as he could, pressing a button marked "The Thames".

The elevator shook, and plenty of strange noises erupted from the walls and floor, and Figgle sat in a tiny (and rather cute) chair and immediately fell sound asleep.  
>Hermione and Kenneth stared.<p>

"Uhm.. Sir?" Kenneth asked, waving his hand in front of the miniscule man's face. Figgle grunted and poked a button on the back of his chair, making the floor come out from under them.

Thankfully, there was a thick wall of glass under them.

They both screamed anyway.

After they were done screaming, they took a look through the glass.

"Amazing! This view is simply amazing! I believe we're over Ireland. You know, Ireland was the home of the famous Richard Fumblemore, a man who helped against the fight against Israphel…"  
>Professor Granger then started going on about some wizard or other.<p>

Kenneth stared at the beautiful scenery. He passed over lush forests, bubbling brooks, small cottages, and various other sights.

After about an hour, Professor Granger concluded her involuntary lecture, and sat down.  
>"I apologize if I'm boring you, but I haven't been able to talk to many people in awhile. Ron took the kids to Harry's, and I've been so busy with preparing for this term… I'm quite frazzled." She chuckled slightly as she sat down, as there were no chairs, save the tiny one that a sleeping Figgle was occupying. There was silence for a time.<p>

"So," Kenneth piped up, wishing to talk to his teacher like a normal person before having to treat her like a teacher, "If you're a Transfiguration teacher like McGonagall, are you an Anim… Animag…"  
>"Animagus? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Like the Headmistress, I prefer a cat. I can talk to Crookshanks that way."<br>"He's still alive after all this time?"  
>"Well, he is a magic cat, dear. Quite the intellectual, too."<p>

"Cats do act like that, don't they? Either that, or they simply don't care." Kenneth made a serious/nonchalant face similar to that of a cat's.

"Are you going to strive to do well in my class this year?" Professor Granger asked suddenly.

Kenneth, taken by surprise, said, "Well, I guess so... I'll try..."

She chuckled softly, and noticed something. "Oh look, we're here."

Kenneth then noticed they were landing.

CHAPTER FIVE

THE GHOST TWINS

"Should we wake Mr. Figgle?" Kenneth asked tentatively.

"I think it's best to let him sleep." Hermione replied. The doors opened, and suddenly the small man snapped awake, saying "We hope you enjoyed your trip! Happy Hunting!" He then conked out once more.

Kenneth and Professor Granger walked out, as Granger muttered to herself, "What a strange little man…"  
>Kenneth put his hands in his pockets and kept walking, taking in the sights of London.<p>

They then walked down a slightly dingy street, and into a small bar named "The Leaky Cauldron".

Kenneth gasped with delight at the sight of it.

They entered the dingy bar, with Tom the barkeep looking at them with a toothless grin.

"'Ello, Mish Granger. Been a while. Lasht time I sheesh yeh, ye were knee-high to a lampposht!" He cackled.

"Yes, hello, Tom." Professor Granger replied mildly. She looked around and spotted a table where a few other children Kenneth's age were sitting. "Here we are, Kenneth! Go sit over there while I make arrangements, will you?"  
>"Okay." Kenneth replied simply. He strode over to the table of kids and sat down.<p>

The table consisted of three kids, one who looked a bit pale and shy, with hair so blond it was almost white. The other two kids were both identical, but also extremely creepy. They both looked like their mother had groomed them for hours, with smoothed back hair, a perfectly nothing expression, sitting backs erect. They might as well have been statues. The white-blond boy looked very uncomfortable.

"Hi." Said Kenneth, sitting down.

"Hello, sir." The two boys said in unison.

"Erm.. Hi," said the blond boy.

After staring at the twins awkwardly, Kenneth asked, "Is this your first year too?"  
>The boy nodded. "Mmhmm."<p>

"Well, hi. My name's Kenneth Langan, what's yours?"  
>"We do not know, Langan, Kenneth. We do not know," The two twins repeated, silencing the conversation. After a long silence, the boy said, "I'm Scorpius. Malfoy." He shook Kenneth's hand timidly.<p>

"Oh! _The _Scorpius Mal-"

"Yes, that Malfoy." He said, looking away.

"Yes. He is Malfoy, from the books. The books were a gooood reeeead." The twins piped up monotonously, once again silencing the conversation. The table was silent, and the boys literally floated off, saying "Goodbye…"

Kenneth and Scorpius stared.

"I'm… Guessing that-"

"They were ghosts." Scorpius finished Kenneth's sentence.

"Creepy, too." Kenneth added.

"No KIDDING. I've been trying to ditch them all day, but they just follow you _everywhere._"

Kenneth laughed some. "It's funny, I've been trying to see a ghost all my life, and now I finally see one."

"Mm." Scorpius replied simply.

"So, Uhm…" Kenneth searched around in his head for a conversation topic. "Want… to see if we could go to Diagon Alley? I'm feeling a bit cramped." He stretched out his arms for emphasis.

"Oh, that's near here?" Scorpius responded mildly.

"Well, yeah. Haven't you read the books?"

Scorpius shook his head.

"Why not?" Kenneth asked.

"Father doesn't want me to... They're too much about… Well, him."

"Ahhhh… Right. Makes sense. So, you wanna go? I know where it is."

"Alright. My mum and dad won't mind. They let me do almost everything I want."  
>"Sweet. I wish my parents were like yours." Kenneth smiled. "So, I guess I'll go ask Her- Professor Granger."<br>Kenneth walked up to Hermione, who was currently conversing with a red-haired man who looked a bit like Rupert Grint.

"Ron, sweetie, did you bring the chart for the bricks?" asked Professor Granger.

"Nope." Ron beamed.

Hermione stared angrily.

"D-Don't worry, honey! I've got it!" Ron said, intimidated by his wife's look. "Harry's been helping me perfect my Accio spell!" Ron pulled out his wand and said, "Accio!" (AN: Did anyone else notice that in the 4th movie, Harry said "Accio" 3 different ways? XD "Akio!" "Assio!" "Axio!")

Silence.

"….It's gonna take awhile." Ron said sheepishly.

"Well, I suppose that's you, Ronny." Hermione said, kissing him on the cheek. She noticed Kenneth and pulled away quickly, blushing furiously. "Oh, H-Hello dear. Er, this is my husband, Ron." She gestured to Ron.

Ron shook Kenneth's hand enthusiastically. "Heard of me, I'm sure." Ron laughed. "So, I suppose you're the kid Hermy-"  
>"Ron.."<br>"-Hermione was going on about. Pleasure to meet you." He then whispered loudly, "Good luck with her in school though. I could barely survive her, and that was before she became a teacher!" The trio laughed, Hermione a bit awkwardly. "So, what was it you needed, Kenneth?"  
>"I was wondering, could I go to Diagon Alley? If it's alright with you that is.."<p>

"Oh, that's alright. But before you do, we need to stop by Gringotts."  
>"I have wizard money?"<br>"Well, yes. Loads of it, actually. Didn't your father tell you? His job as a Muggle Studies Professor wasn't paying well, so he began trading Muggle money for Wizard money."  
>"Oh! Cool."<br>"Yes, well, let's go then! Bye, sweetheart!" She strode off, beckoning for him to flollow. He did, and Professor granger stopped. "Oh, forgot the chart." She walked back into the pub, where Ron was waiting. "Forget something?"

"Yes, has it-" Professor granger was interrupted when Kenneth was smacked in the face by a flying (and sparkling) piece of parchment. The force was so strong that he fell over.

"I found the chart, Professor."

The trio burst into laughter as Kenneth got up and handed Professor Granger the letter. ( 3000th! Perfect timing, right? XD) She took the piece of parchment and looked it over. "Okay then. Let's go, Kenneth."  
>"Alright!" The three walked to the brick wall, and Professor Granger pushed on a few random bricks. The wall made various scraping noises as it receded into the two opposite walls, revealing Diagon Alley.<p>

(( AN: Scorpius: What about me? Me: XD Kenneth is forgetful. ))

CHAPTER 6

OF DOGS AND PUFFS

Kenneth stepped onto the cobblestone square, taking it all in.

"Ah, Diagon Alley," Ron smiled, "I remember my first time here. Of course, the whole thing was a blur of robes and shouts of (Ron put on a squeaky imitation of his mother here) "RONNY! GET AWAY FROM THAT! IF YOU BREAK IT, YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY IT, AND WE CAN'T AFFORD THAT!" Kenneth laughed.

"Ron, honestly, can't you let me make a good impression on my future student?" She rapped on his head playfully.

"Oh, alright. I suppose I'll go now." Ron walked back through the brick wall, which closed behind him.

"Alright, Kenneth, to Gringotts."


End file.
